on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
