I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am in a vortex of obligation.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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