Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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