I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i will never coherently bang her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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