I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
