she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
