i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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