I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
