Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
