ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
