well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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