Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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