Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
