Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
