I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
