I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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