Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
