Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
