I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
