Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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