RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We talked him into tasing himself.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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