I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
