I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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