Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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