I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
