remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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