So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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