You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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