Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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