Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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