He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
