Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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