sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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