I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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