What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
