I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
