they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
