I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
