respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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