Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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