i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
