hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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