So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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