I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
