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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
