There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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