**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
