apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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