how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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