Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
