I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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