Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
