I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
