If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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