Have you finally orgasmed yet?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
