She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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