ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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