I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
