How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
