My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
