Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
