it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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