drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
