i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
