the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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