using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I love you. Go after that dick
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
