I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
