Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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